Zeugma: Using a single verb or a single adjective to refer to two unrelated nouns; one with which the adjective or verb makes logical sense and one with which it is a stretch or completely illogical. For example, His foot stepped down, snapping a twig and his attention. Another example: A diva of the highest order, she ate red caviar and rubies.
An Example from Literature: Charles Dickens, The Pickwick Papers
My Try: Hortel Merriweather reached into the mailbox and retrieved the pink envelope. No return address she noted. Gently she released the flap from its seal and removed the folded sheet from inside. It read:
Dear Ladies of the United Daughters of the Confederacy,
An urgent matter pertaining to one of your members has recently come to my attention and my cause. Evidence was uncovered revealing that Mrs. Lou Ellen Sallywhite Whitmore's family lineage is not at all what she has reported on her official documents. She must be required to re-apply at once, supplying accurate information.
Records of the Tuscaloosa Riverbranch Memorial Hospital, formerly, Tuscaloosa General Medical Center show that Lou Ellen Sallywhite was mistakenly misidentified and sent home with the wrong family and destiny. You will also want include Charlie Duggan in your investigation of this matter, as he has intimate knowledge of this case.
Hortel no sooner folded the letter than she was on the phone with the presidents of Junior League, Daughters of the American Revolution, and Garden Club. Gossip boiled.
And Netty, well, she stared out the window riding down Interstate 40, her inheritance claimed.
And so it is done. I don't know that I like this ending. Netty got the truth and gave Lou Ellen the payback she'd always desired to, but quite possibly she ruined her chances of ever going home. Can you think of a better ending? If not, try out your zeugma on me.
Now I know my ABCs, next time won't you write with me.