Just Move Carefully

WARNING: This post is sarcastic and controversial. If you believe you may be offended by obvious irony, please read no further.

 

For children who survive the womb, Michelle Obama has instituted the Just Move Campaign, which encourages kids to quit eating chips in front of the television and go outside for fresh air and exercise. It's her response to the childhood obesity epidemic in the U.S.

To get on the Obama bandwagon, the United States Post Office printed stamps depicting children participating in a variety of athletic activities. None of us will ever send the Just Move message in the mail, however, because the powers that be have sent the message that helicopter parents yearn to hear: Move, but be careful, because you could hurt yourself when you move. Now that the financially strapped post office has printed the stamps, the sheets are being destroyed. One might draw the conclusion that the current administration doesn't like children as much as they profess.

The story on the wire is that The President’s Council on Fitness, Sports and Nutrition alleged unsafe acts are depicted on three of the stamps. They have judged the cannonball dive, skateboarding without knee pads and a headstand without a helmet to be dangerous activities. The stamps may encourage young people to mimic these movements that threaten life and limb. 

Other stamps in the collection feature a batter without a batting helmet, a girl balancing on a slippery rock, and a soccer player without shin guards, but these are not cited as offending pictures. Which shows us just how much our decision makers know. I've never heard of a kid incurring a brain injury from a headstand, but I have known kids not wearing batting helmets to suffer terrible blows to the head from bats and balls projected in their direction at high speeds. Broken legs and busted shins have resulted from playing soccer without shin guards, but what terrible injury has resulted from a cannonball other than a big splash that soaks a bystander?

It's good that this collection is being eliminated. A child inspired to jump rope might sprain an ankle or, worse, trip on the rope and break out her front teeth. The child running isn't wearing proper foot apparel for sure. That's a no-no that will lead to fallen arches. The basketball player isn't wearing knee pads, the girl turning a cartwheel isn't wearing protective head gear, and the child in the swing is going way too high for her own good, not to mention that the juggler risks splitting his head open by throwing more than one ball into the air at a time.

Moving is incredibly dangerous for kids. They could get hurt. Busted lips, bruised knees, skinned hands, and stitches could result. Children will cry. Parents will be heartbroken over their offspring's pain. And Michelle Obama and the U.S. Postal Service will be to blame for encouraging raucous, out-of-control behavior. For shame! Lucky for the American public, and especially the darling children, The President’s Council on Fitness, Sports and Nutrition stepped in to ensure no one gets hurt.

Boys and girls, if you must move, just move carefully. Better than that, though, unless you are fully clothed in bubble wrap, don't move at all. Stay on your sofa, eat chips, and watch TV.

(Food for thought: Three thousand babies each day are killed by medical professionals. The Federal government sanctions this brutal practice that threatens the lives of infants in the womb, who are unable to cry out and beg for mercy, unable to ask for a chance to prove themselves "wanted" and worthy of living. The Affordable Health Care Act includes provisions that mandate all insurance policies to pay for the murder of a baby in the womb at the mother's request. Shouldn't we be more worried about that than a kid doing a benign canon ball?)