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Monday, October 7, 2013

Football Infarction

Have you heard of the Holiday Heart Attack? Research data quantify an approximate 5% increase in cardiac events in the weeks from Thanksgiving to New Years. The highest number is recorded on December 25, with December 26 a close second and January 1 coming in third. 

University of Georgia's Sanford Stadium
Since I hail from a long line of people who love to die during the holidays, I'm well-versed in the Christmas Cardiac. I dated a boy in high school, however, who came from a genetic heritage that didn't have the heart for college football season, the hap-happiest time of the year. It got so that they turned down the radio blaring the voice of Larry Munson during heated games between the University of Georgia's Sanford Stadium hedges and around the SEC.

I wonder who died in his family this past Saturday when Georgia beat Tennessee in overtime and the Saturday before when Georgia pulled out a narrow win against LSU in the last minutes of the game. If I could find that old boyfriend, I'd ask him about the funeral arrangements. I suspect that heart specialists and grave diggers all have job security this week.

Being a college football fan is hard work. Selecting the right shirt to put the team in the good graces of the guardian angel of the gridiron, waving the spirit towel, shaking the shakers, maintaining the energy on the sidelines, high-fiving, reprimanding referees and generally following through with assigned responsibilities is exhausting. But the exertion is downright dangerous, too. We're losing our fan base to the Football Infarction.

ERs are filling up every Saturday across the State of Georgia and I wager across the nation. I implore college coaches - Mark Richt - speak with your teams. Football Infarction is preventable. Save lives. Win assertively. Your fans can make the difference between a W or an L. You and the team can be the difference between the twelfth man being in the stands, in the hospital or in the ground.

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4 comments:

Jo said...

Not into sports like that so I don't have to worry.

Lucy Adams said...

Jo, I hope you will be careful around the holidays, then, though research shows that chocolate (which I know you like) bolsters the body against health threats like heart attacks.

William Kendall said...

Since I dislike the sport, it's always puzzled me how football is so ingrained in the American character, even to the point where hundreds or thousands of people will come out to a high school game.

Lucy Adams said...

I think the American public's love of football is linked to our impotency in regard to politics. We feel powerless to change the minds or influence the decisions of our representatives in Washington, D.C., but we're darn sure that whatever shirt we wear to the game makes a difference in the outcome. We have control over how our football teams perform and this restores our faith in the human race. Does that clear up confusion about our obsession, William? If we didn't have football, all we would have is the vote, and that doesn't seem to be doing us a whole lot of good right now.

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