The Tipsy Tannenbaum

Year after year, my family takes to forest and field for the annual December tradition of sourcing the perfect Christmas tree. No matter how perfect the tree looked in the woods, when we get it home it's usually at least three limbs short of average.

One year, we returned home with our selection only to realize that it wasn't a tree at all. It was a bush. The next year, the men in my family brought home a true charity case:


Wish us luck this weekend, as we once again go traipsing and trespassing our way across the county in hopes of finding the most beautiful Christmas tree ever.

Seeking an Exciting Life on Craigslist

My husband and I watched the documentary, Craigslist Joe, about a guy in LA who decides to prove that the Internet brings people together rather than isolates us. He so strongly believes that goodwill among mankind still exists that he's willing to rely on it to meet all of his needs for 31 days. For the entire month of December, he depends on the generosity of people who posted Craigslist ads. He even found his camera man on Craigslist. 

First let me say, I recommend this movie. It's entertaining and interesting and Joe is a likeable and patient guy. It's easy to understand why people trust him and help him. WARNING: There's content in this picture that you do not want your children to see.

Second, let me say, I am disturbed by the lack of resolution. As he sets out early in his experiment, Joe borrows a bicycle for the month, per an offer on Craigslist. A short time later he no longer has the bike in his possession. No explanation is given for the missing bike. Did he throw it in a ditch? Did he wreck it beyond repair? Was it stolen? 

 

Much to my husband's annoyance, I can't quit obsessing about the bike. I mean, if the project is to demonstrate that people are still generous and trustworthy yet he doesn't return the bike to the person from whom he borrowed it, hasn't he shot himself in the foot? I want to know what happened to the bike!

Third, don't try this at home. Mostly what the project proves is that people, particularly those who use Craigslist, are CRAZY. Not just a little off their rockers, either. Nuts in a can, I tell you.

 

My husband says I'm reading too much into it. He says they edited the film that way to make it interesting. Maybe so, but when I went snooping around my local Craigslist this is what I found:

Reply ^[?] 

Posted: 5 days ago

Secret Society (Central)

I am currently dissatisfied with the amount of exceptional in my life.

I would like to begin a formal secret society with ritual and rules. I want a society of intellectuals banded together, loyal to an unconditional extent. Dedicated to a cause -- my cause -- with blinders on. We'll become rich and powerful, and no one will know.

In members, I want bravery, creativity, and fidelity. I want those who feel as though their purpose has not yet come along in life. I want those who can boldly commit to a new enterprise.

We will be exclusive--in time, once built. For now, write me if you are interested. Include your rationale for wanting to join--why is it that your life hasn't mattered yet? Include the talents you're bringing to the group. Can you shoot a gun? Repair cars? Paint? Any talent is appreciated.

Let us know.

Sure thing, CRAZY.

Three Books for the Holiday Hostess

There comes a point in the holidays when even the bestest, most perfectest person needs a little help. If you don't own these three books, get them any way you can. They provide the road map for surviving the holidays with your hair still in place.

1. The Joy of Family Traditions by Jennifer Trainer Thompson.

No matter how hard you try to ignore the calendar, teachers and school administrators will shove it in your face. The Christmas break will begin whether you bring your grievances to the school board about it or not. And, being the "good" parent that you are, you desire to turn these compulsory days at home together into special memories. But how? With great ideas that you make your own, of course.



2. The Art of the Visit by Kathy Bertone.

Don't look now, but Aunt Eulene, Uncle Edgar and the Arkansas rug rats have loaded up their car and they're headed your way! In true Christmas spirit, you must greet them at the door with a smile and hugs all around and remain just as enthusiastic to be in their company for the entire two weeks of their visit. Kathy Bertone offers practical wisdom for living your intention.




3. Peterson's Holiday Helper by Valerie Peterson

Guess what. We ALL know you're not perfect. We heard you in the pantry mumbling to yourself and slamming cans of cranberries on the shelves. There's a no-bake cure for this! Peterson's Holiday Helper is filled with recipes for keeping one's sanity.

Yes, these invaluable resources are in my personal collection. How else could I make it to New Year's with such grace and composure? And now YOU know my little secret. Shhh. Don't tell.

It's Not Far to the Promised Land

 

The Promised Land Grocery (located in Promised Land, South Carolina) has everything you need when you're all out of manna. 

Naughty or Nice

I thought I had more time. I was planning to change my ways, to straighten up and quit being sarcastic and silly. I was going to get serious about getting on Santa's "Nice" List.

But today is the day that he locks it all in. The bah-humbugs like me, who had all intentions of jingling bells and smiling at elves and wearing Christmas sweaters, will have our names inscribed on the "Naughty" List. There's no way after today to erase them.

December 4th is Santa's official list day, when he finalizes his lists and 
lays off the spying elves in order to busy the building 

elves. All hope is lost for those of us waiting for the Christmas crunch 
before correcting cantankerous behavior. This is no joking matter.
Read about it for yourself:

http://www.holidayinsights.com/moreholidays/December/santaslistday.htm

 The woes of procrastination and a poor attitude are catching up with me today.

I'm SORRY, Santa! Give me one more chance. I promise I'll be nice.

Don't Say That Period

I was on the phone with someone, I won't say with whom, last week, and the conversation was going well until he said, "That being said however comma."

Whoa, Jack. Was that necessary? He'd negated everything he just said. Did have to give me an acid burn, too?

I interrupted him. Rude, I know, but I couldn't overlook his egregious comment. "You don't need to do that," I said.

"What? Do what?" he asked.

"What you just did."

"What did I just do?" He was irritated that I'd interrupted him.

"You don't have to speak your punctuation," I told him.

He was silent.

I reassured him. "I'm a writer. I can do punctuation in my head."

Merry Thanksmas

copyright Lucy Adams 2013

 I believe this says it all.

The only thing I'd like to add is:

This month, every person who uses the buttons below to purchase a signed copy of If Mama Don't Laugh, It Ain't Funny or Tuck Your Skirt in Your Panties and Run or The Beast of Blue Mountain will be entered in a drawing to win an If Mama Don't Laugh apron (a $23.00 value). The apron reads If Mama Don't Laugh It Ain't Funny and is Teflon coated to resist stains. Winner will be selected in a random drawing and notified on Monday, December 2.  

Buy one of each book and have your name entered in the drawing three times. Buying two of the three books enters your name two times. Buying one of the three books enters your name one time.

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Get more for your money with an If Mama Gift Bundle.

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