Barb Best feels
your pain. The 2010 Erma Bombeck Global Humor Winner and a Top 10 in The Robert
Benchley Humor Competition, her comedy material has been performed by Joan
Rivers and published in numerous print and online magazines such as More.com
and Divinecaroline.com.
Read her eBook 100
Fast & Funny: Ha-Musings by Barb Best and her essays in humor
anthologies “My Funny Valentine”
and "My
Funny Major Medical" - all available on Amazon.
She has two new books coming out in 2014: Find Your Funny: The LOL Survival Guide for
Teens with Dr. Joanne Jackal and How
To Be Miserable: The Missing Manual (a spoof on The Happiness Project). Yes, sitting is the new smoking.
A few words of advice from Barb Best:
Like many of you over the age of five, I am obsessed with
health and happiness. There are, by last
count, over five and a half billion books on “How To Be Happy!” The advice
ranges from ho-hum to humdrum, from naive to nebulous. Some of it is downright
silly.
Life is hard. What we need are some truly harebrained, “down
and dirty” happiness affirmations for the rest of us.
Let’s get real!
All together now. Repeat after me: OHM…
20 AFFIRMATIONS FOR THE
MISERABLE
· *
I start each day with a feeling of gratitude…
and acute caffeine cravings.
·
* I am one with trash TV… and I love it.
· *
Passion… who needs it?
· * Organic dark chocolate is my only friend.
· * I nourish my inner shrew.
·
* What goes around comes around… and pokes me right
in the eyeball.
·
* I honor the sour apple.
·
* I pray for abundance in the form of a serious
bank error.
· *
My heart is open wide… to chronic inflammation.
·
* Life is a cabaret… too bad I’m tone-deaf.
·
* My joints scream with every new sunrise, “I am
alive and aching!”
·
* Joy avoids me… as do winning lottery numbers.
·
* Every cell in my body throbs with despair.
·
* I choose indecision over action.
·
* Civic duties drain me like a heavy menstrual
period.
·
* A good night's sleep and feel-good endorphins
elude me.
·
* There are no traces of the happiness hormone
oxytocin in my bloodstream.
·
* I feel the warm sun caressing me… possibly causing
me to suffer from life threatening melanomas.
· *
I marvel at Mother Nature… and meteorologists
who wear clown noses on early morning TV shows.
·
* My eyes embrace all the beauty in the
world, but also the pathogenic bacteria.
There! Now we should all feel much better!
Want more of Barb Best's humor?
Her book, 100 Fast and Funny Ha-musings, brings readers 100 quips and one-liners. Witty sayings on Love & Sex, Philosophy, Pain, Advice,
Questions, and Aging will delight your mind and tickle your funny bone.
You can also subscribe to her popular humor blog on pop culture
and entertainment at BarbBest.com and
stalk her on Twitter @HaBarb.
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5 comments:
Finally some affirmations I can really believe in as I'm saying them! I'm especially attuned to: I pray for abundance in the form of a serious bank error!" And "I choose indecision over action" will be on my gravestone. I feel better already! Thanks Barb. Thanks Lucy. I have to go "nourish my inner shrew" now.
I can relate to the acute caffeine cravings, chronic inflammation, no winning lottery tickets and heavy menstrual periods. WAIT...NO...I'm a guy...scratch that, ah, I meant heavy minstrel periods. Yea.
Could I add a serious bank error to my shopping cart please?
Thank you Ladies
OOOHHHMMM. OMG! Enough already with the happiness! Just let me bask in my orneriness and discontent! Enough with the inner peace. Here's another affirmation "My anger energizes me!" Also, "I believe that the excessive use of exclamation points will set me free!!!!" I'd thank you both for the post, but I hear that gratitude leads to increased happiness.
Forget the happiness...what we all need is more LAUGHTER! Thanks to both of you for providing that in abundance. LOLOLOLOLOLOL
*Yes, I am praying for my own bank error.
Yep, I feel better already!
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