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Saturday, December 1, 2012

Make Preparations Now - The End is Near

Despite the number of times we've braced ourselves for the world to "end," it still rumbles along, spinning through space, kicking up dust. We're all still here. BUT, that could change this month, because the Mayan calendar says that the world will end on 12-21-2012. And lots of people believe that because credible sources like the Mayans, who nobly sacrificed their young virgins, predicted this particular cessation of our planet as we know it, the date must be accurate.

On the upside, there's no need to buy Christmas gifts or spend all that time wrapping them. Our evenings can be spent contemplating the Christ in Christmas and enjoying our trees.

On the downside, those of us who plan to be raptured, must get our houses in order. When the left-behinds come to plunder, we don't want them criticizing our housekeeping or our organization.

We must also consider our pets. Who will care for them after we're gone? Have you worried about this yourself?

As luck would have it, there are plenty of good-hearted atheists who have a soft spot for displaced, un-raptured pets. They will happily come to your house and retrieve your cat, dog, horse, monkey, hamster or whatever in the days following the "end" and provide it a good home. This is not on a volunteer basis, however.

Atheists, despite what you might think, are also capitalists. Eternal Earth Bound Pets, USA, an organization of atheists, charges a nominal fee for providing peace of mind to their Christian friends. A blurb from their web site:

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

We are currently active in 26 states, employing 40 pet rescuers. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life.

Yes, yes, I too find it baffling that they believe in the rapture but they don't believe in Jesus. There's faulty logic somewhere in this loop. But like I said, those Mayans were a highly intelligent, prophetic civilization capable of mathematical calculations beyond the grasp of anyone since who has claimed to know the hour and the day.

Nonetheless, my inner skeptic is urging me to keep my nominal fee and use it to prepare for Christmas; because chances are pretty good, based on all the results of all the other calls for the world's end, that Christmas will arrive before the rapture.


Jo said...

Surely if the world ends, it will include everyone, whatever belief or non belief they may profess. The pets will go to I imagine.

Lexa Cain said...

Why can't pets get raptured too? Seems as unfair as the authorities who evacuate people during hurricanes but won't let them take pets...

The Visit Wizard said...

This is a mighty concern, Lucy, as one might expect. Therefore I consulted my priest. Thankfully he said I could take my dog.

Norma Beishir said...

Good one, Visit Wizard!

The Bible mentions in several places that God does indeed care deeply for all of his creations. Since animals don't have sin to atone for, my guess is that they get a free pass.

But the Rapture and the end of the world aren't exactly the same thing. I'm not surprised the atheists haven't figured that out.

Lucy Adams said...

What really stinks is that I'll probably be in purgatory while my retriever is roaming streets of gold and trying to get the angels to throw arrows for her to chase.

Great comments and insight y'all.

William Kendall said...

I'm a skeptic as to any predictions of the end of the world. Though that annoying gangnam style craze would be excuse enough to bring about the apocalypse.

I like that Twain quote, about heaven going by favour, not by merit. If it went by merit, the dog would go in, and you would stay out.