The Front Porch Mafia Put on Notice

Every Thursday afternoon, the Front Porch Mafia meets at a house next door to mine. They may have other meeting places in addition to the neighbor's house and other meeting times, but they are as dependable as the sunrise when it comes to their Thursday afternoon gatherings next door.

The Front Porch Mafia is a small group of - I won't call them elderly because that might offend them - retired, gray men who get together to talk about the weather, politics and what the world must be coming to. This is their social outlet. I, for one, am glad to see the old guys going hard and blowing hot air. 

But they best beware. Big Brother is watching and listening. Addled musings about turning this country around are not taken lightly by the government. There may even be an undercover informant on the front porch.

These four men to the left are not members of the Front Porch Mafia. They had their own geriatric conclave in Gainesville, GA to discuss the hand-basket going to hell and ideas for saving it from the flames. The grumpy senior citizens, one of whom strongly resembles Santa Claus, held their gripe sessions at a Waffle House.


A fifth man invited to join their alleged cane-toting, walker-wielding militia was an FBI informant who reported that these geezers plotted domestic terrorism. The aged Georgia boys only spoke of ricin (a poison), prunes, caster beans, hunting, guns and explosives. To me, there's nothing suspicious about that, but maybe that was their cover. Very clever, I think.

I've been watching the arthritic Front Porch Mafia a little closer now on Thursday afternoons. I'm trying to figure out which one is the confederate (and I don't mean confederate in War-of-Northern-Aggression terms, but rather in terms of the one who is in collusion with Big Brother). Personally, despite all their grumbling and sky-is-falling rants, I like them. I'd hate for someone ruin the atmosphere of living next door to conspiracy.

I hope all the old codgers clubs across the south understand that they are on notice. Someone doesn't like what they're saying.

But what a compliment for their groans about gout and the government to be taken so seriously in the declining years!