Ghosts in the Garden

I spent the latter part of the afternoon protecting my peppers, butterbeans and cucumbers from the much hyped overnight freezing temperatures. I muttered to the cat, "It's not supposed to be like this in Georgia in October." The cat whined, "Feed me."

Her uncertain, unstable beginnings stunted her empathy. She seems not to remember that I snatched her from the teeth of death, just like I'm trying to do with my jalapeno plants. I doubt they appreciate my heroic efforts either.

My husband just walked in and said, "It's not supposed to get as cold tonight as the weathermen were saying." He and the forecasters care about my heroic deeds about as much as the peppers and the cat.

10 Things to Do in 6 Minutes

What can you accomplish is six short minutes? Six minutes doesn't seem long enough to do anything, does it? Think again:

10 Things YOU Can Do in 6 Minutes (with time to spare)

1. Floss your teeth.
2. Paint your nails (use the polish that dries in 60 seconds).
3. Plan a menu.
4. Write a grocery list.
5. Compose a handwritten note and address it.
6. Outline your next - or first - novel.
7. Make your bed.
8. Eat an apple (keeps the doctor away, you know).
9. Turn off lights around your home to save money.
10. Organize your silverware drawer.

The BIG question is, Where do you find 6 whole minutes?

Keep the kids busy with audiobooks. The Beast of Blue Mountain audiobook is available from Audible.com and it just so happens to be 6-minutes long. They'll be so entranced by the suspense, the surprise and the giggles you will probably have an extra minute to just breathe.

Keep them busy a little longer with the print version, too, and who knows what mountains you can climb!.

Exercise is Not a Waste of Time

One of my current freelance projects is an article on Hot Yoga, a trend that hit my area of the country in the past year. This is how a basic class works:

•  20-50 people gather in a room with the door and windows closed.
• The instructor jacks the thermostat up to 105-degrees and infuses the air with humidity up to 60-percent.
• Everybody assumes downward dog while sweat drips off the tip of the nose.
• The sauna posture is held for 60-90 minutes.

Essentially, it's the same workout I get from weeding my garden at noon in August, except that I have the benefit of doing it alone. And I don't have to look at my ghastly, frizzy-haired reflection in the mirror.

Activities like Hot Yoga, or any other event in which scads of people get together to sweat shoulder to shoulder, make me claustrophobic. Just thinking about it gives me an aerobic workout, making my heart race and my blood pressure rise. Setting the room temperature to summer-day-heat-index-warning doesn't put me in the mood to move my body. It makes me angry.

I took up running as my exercise outlet. It's autonomous and self-directed, and the only body odor I have to smell is my own.

Unfortunately, running is torture, too. I haven't kept at it. Every time I go out for a jog, I come home disappointed that I didn't achieve the runner's high. My husband says that I didn't because a bouncy walk is not the same as running. He's wrong. It is the same and it isn't why I couldn't get over the hump.

My problem is that the entire time I'm pounding the pavement a list of my daily tasks scrolls through my head. I agonize over the other things I could be doing. Do you know how many things a person cannot do while she's running?

• She can't fold clothes.
• She can't read a book.
• She can't wash dishes.
• She can't write a book.
• She can't design a flower arrangement.
• She can't clean out her car.
• She can't return phone calls.
• She can't take a shower.
• She can't shop.
• She can't eat a bowl of ice cream.

I felt confined by the condition of running. It was as claustrophobic as sweating shoulder to shoulder with a room full of strangers. Wasting time is not on my daily agenda.

Marathoner David Babcock shares my opinion. Twenty-six miles, 5 hours, 48 minutes, and 27 seconds is a long way to go to get to the end and have nothing to show for it. So he knitted a 12-foot scarf while running the Kansas City Marathon. On top of that, he earned a place in the Guinness Book of World Records (something I've always wanted for myself). I hope that as a gesture of gratitude and good sportsmanship he gifted that monstrous neck wrap to the world's tallest man. At 8-feet, 3-inches, I bet the guy has a hard time finding a scarf long enough to accommodate his height.

So, Babcock proved that running isn't a total waste of time. A person can knit while she runs.

Maybe so. I'm going to stick to doing Hot Gardening poses alone in the bean rows. It's working for me.

Don't be Shy - Write a Novel with Friends

November is right around the proverbial corner, which means that Thanksgiving, Christmas and 2014 aren't far behind. The year is petering out. Have you done it? Have you accomplished the goals you spelled out on New Year's Day 2013?

No? Not even the novel you committed to writing?

All is not lost. There's still a chance to mark at least that one thing off of your list so you can call 2013 a success. November is the home of Nanowrimo - National Novel Writing Month. Sign up and say that you'll compose a 50,000-word narrative in one month. The Nanowrimo crew will provide help, support and encouragement throughout the endeavor. And you won't be alone. Thousands of writers take to the keyboard for this annual event.

BUT, if cooking the turkey and shopping for Christmas gifts crowds your calendar and you're just too intimated by doing the whole project yourself, don't worry. There are ways around that. You can still get your novel written and do it with loads of support from other writers. The folks at Grammarly can make your dream come true with Grammowrimo. The 50,000-word novel they propose will be a collaborative effort. You'll only have to type about 800 words and they provide cliff notes so you won't miss your cue. Sign up and contribute to the collective effort.

Make no excuses. Make a decision! Whichever option you choose, you'll have that nagging novel under your belt in November by the time the turkey sandwiches come out.

Listen to that Southern Drawl

It's me, folks, and all my southern drawl. The Beast of Blue Mountain is available as an audio book from Audible, and the audio book version will soon be available from Amazon and iTunes. Children will enjoy listening as they turn the pages of the paperback book or while riding in the car, taking a bath, or giving Mom a few minutes to relax.

Fan Mail!

The best kind of mail is fan mail, especially from a child. I believe this kid has a future in marketing, too!

Transcription:

I liked the Beast of Blue mountain. my class like it! our Librarian liked it to! I hope you keep makeing books! love, Douglas

The Beast of Blue Mountain is receiving five-star reviews on Amazon, too!

Just Move Carefully

WARNING: This post is sarcastic and controversial. If you believe you may be offended by obvious irony, please read no further.

 

For children who survive the womb, Michelle Obama has instituted the Just Move Campaign, which encourages kids to quit eating chips in front of the television and go outside for fresh air and exercise. It's her response to the childhood obesity epidemic in the U.S.

To get on the Obama bandwagon, the United States Post Office printed stamps depicting children participating in a variety of athletic activities. None of us will ever send the Just Move message in the mail, however, because the powers that be have sent the message that helicopter parents yearn to hear: Move, but be careful, because you could hurt yourself when you move. Now that the financially strapped post office has printed the stamps, the sheets are being destroyed. One might draw the conclusion that the current administration doesn't like children as much as they profess.

The story on the wire is that The President’s Council on Fitness, Sports and Nutrition alleged unsafe acts are depicted on three of the stamps. They have judged the cannonball dive, skateboarding without knee pads and a headstand without a helmet to be dangerous activities. The stamps may encourage young people to mimic these movements that threaten life and limb. 

Other stamps in the collection feature a batter without a batting helmet, a girl balancing on a slippery rock, and a soccer player without shin guards, but these are not cited as offending pictures. Which shows us just how much our decision makers know. I've never heard of a kid incurring a brain injury from a headstand, but I have known kids not wearing batting helmets to suffer terrible blows to the head from bats and balls projected in their direction at high speeds. Broken legs and busted shins have resulted from playing soccer without shin guards, but what terrible injury has resulted from a cannonball other than a big splash that soaks a bystander?

It's good that this collection is being eliminated. A child inspired to jump rope might sprain an ankle or, worse, trip on the rope and break out her front teeth. The child running isn't wearing proper foot apparel for sure. That's a no-no that will lead to fallen arches. The basketball player isn't wearing knee pads, the girl turning a cartwheel isn't wearing protective head gear, and the child in the swing is going way too high for her own good, not to mention that the juggler risks splitting his head open by throwing more than one ball into the air at a time.

Moving is incredibly dangerous for kids. They could get hurt. Busted lips, bruised knees, skinned hands, and stitches could result. Children will cry. Parents will be heartbroken over their offspring's pain. And Michelle Obama and the U.S. Postal Service will be to blame for encouraging raucous, out-of-control behavior. For shame! Lucky for the American public, and especially the darling children, The President’s Council on Fitness, Sports and Nutrition stepped in to ensure no one gets hurt.

Boys and girls, if you must move, just move carefully. Better than that, though, unless you are fully clothed in bubble wrap, don't move at all. Stay on your sofa, eat chips, and watch TV.

(Food for thought: Three thousand babies each day are killed by medical professionals. The Federal government sanctions this brutal practice that threatens the lives of infants in the womb, who are unable to cry out and beg for mercy, unable to ask for a chance to prove themselves "wanted" and worthy of living. The Affordable Health Care Act includes provisions that mandate all insurance policies to pay for the murder of a baby in the womb at the mother's request. Shouldn't we be more worried about that than a kid doing a benign canon ball?)