House of Fire and Confusion

This is one of the fire trucks that arrived at my house on Sunday evening. I was away at a soccer game with my oldest son. My husband was at home in charge. This made me happy. The last time the fire department - every man on duty - showed up at my house, I was the adult in charge. 

When my husband saw the emergency lights panning the interior of our house through the porch windows, he ran to the front  door. Flinging it open, he rushed outside, expecting to see a neighbor's home swallowed in flames. 

Three fire trucks lined up on the curb. Men in all stages of fireman dress stood in the grass and on the sidewalk. The whiz of hoses unrolling had a sentimental twang. One hero called to another, "Hey, we've been to this house before!" 

"Yep," his partner answered. My husband, blinded by the red flashing lights and struggling to find his way out of the smoke boiling from our screened porch, stepped onto the front walk. "What's the emergency y'all?" he asked.

"Looks like you've got yourself a fire," the Chief answered, an axe in his hand.

"No," my husband said. He looked back our house smothered in smoke. He laughed. "No, everything is fine here. It's alright."

The Chief was not convinced. Men continued to suit up. Hoses buzzed. My beloved held up both hands, showing his palms to the crew to convince them to stand down.

"It's okay," he said. "I'm just cooking."

His escapade made the Wednesday paper: 

Silent Lunch Treatment

The silent lunch is the school child's most dreaded punishment. He'd rather stand against the wall at recess than miss chatting up his table mates in the cafeteria.

School teachers have a predilection for silent lunches. While students want to hear themselves talk, school teachers say they want to hear themselves think. It isn't clear whether the teaching profession attracts people with mental illness or if the voices in teacher's heads arrive after years of wrangling kids into reading, writing and arithmetic.

The established existence of imaginary friends in the minds of teachers is affirming, however, for every person ever called down unjustly, for every student who ever whined, "But I wasn't talking." No matter how or when the thinking out loud started, silent lunches make it a heap easier to hear what the voices have to say.

A New York City restauranteur is taking diners back to the school cafeteria of their childhoods. Nicholas Nauman is enforcing the silent lunch philosophy, an idea which he claims he derived from an interaction with Buddhist monks. At Eat restaurant in Brooklyn, patrons are required to sit quietly - probably with their hands in their laps, another teacher favorite - throughout the serving of a four course meal.

The chef instituted this "fine dining experience" after observing that Buddhist monks in India eat breakfast without exchanging words. Why he needed to go all the way to India to see a.m. abstention from verbal interaction, I don't know. Some people just like to make life hard.

It's not only Buddhist monks who refuse conversation first thing in the morning. No one speaks at breakfast! It would be regrettable to start the day with eggs, bacon, grits and severe words one couldn't take back. It's best to sip coffee and let the caffeine settle on the brain before uttering anything other than grunts. One doesn't have to be a Buddhist monk to know that.

In an interview, the chef said that eating a fine meal in silence is a different way to enjoy the food. Forks clattering on plates and dishes clinking in the kitchen creates whimsical background music. He said that he senses great energy in the restaurant when noise is subdued. He attests that requiring his clientele to shut their traps improves their enjoyment of his fare.

Obviously, what's really going on here is that the chef has voices in his head. They have a lot to say and he needs to hear himself think. The energy he feels is due to diners who also have a lot to say, much as they did in the cafeteria in second grade. They will burst any second and negotiate standing against the restaurant wall in exchange for being able to tete-a-tete with others at table.

In his school days, Chef Nauman was was among the few children who looked forward to the silent lunch treatment instituted by teachers on bad days when the voices were particularly talkative. He cites Buddhist monks as the inspiration for his restaurant's institutional atmosphere because that explanation seems more enlightened than admitting his surly first grade teacher, Mrs. Sundwretchen, taught him everything he knows.

There is no other explanation, because the chef's testimony that food tastes better when the only sound in the room is other people's chewing and slurping is hogwash. Anyone who ever ate in a school cafeteria will witness to the fact that silence didn't make the mystery meat any more appetizing (or less of a mystery).

Football Infarction

Have you heard of the Holiday Heart Attack? Research data quantify an approximate 5% increase in cardiac events in the weeks from Thanksgiving to New Years. The highest number is recorded on December 25, with December 26 a close second and January 1 coming in third. 

University of Georgia's Sanford Stadium

Since I hail from a long line of people who love to die during the holidays, I'm well-versed in the Christmas Cardiac. I dated a boy in high school, however, who came from a genetic heritage that didn't have the heart for college football season, the hap-happiest time of the year. It got so that they turned down the radio blaring the voice of Larry Munson during heated games between the University of Georgia's Sanford Stadium hedges and around the SEC.

I wonder who died in his family this past Saturday when Georgia beat Tennessee in overtime and the Saturday before when Georgia pulled out a narrow win against LSU in the last minutes of the game. If I could find that old boyfriend, I'd ask him about the funeral arrangements. I suspect that heart specialists and grave diggers all have job security this week.

Being a college football fan is hard work. Selecting the right shirt to put the team in the good graces of the guardian angel of the gridiron, waving the spirit towel, shaking the shakers, maintaining the energy on the sidelines, high-fiving, reprimanding referees and generally following through with assigned responsibilities is exhausting. But the exertion is downright dangerous, too. We're losing our fan base to the Football Infarction.

ERs are filling up every Saturday across the State of Georgia and I wager across the nation. I implore college coaches - Mark Richt - speak with your teams. Football Infarction is preventable. Save lives. Win assertively. Your fans can make the difference between a W or an L. You and the team can be the difference between the twelfth man being in the stands, in the hospital or in the ground.

***Crunch, crunch. Swish, swish. What was that noise in the night? Find out in The Beast of Blue Mountain. Save 15% using coupon code 4ZVQDJ79 at check out here.***

Grace Unplugged Soundtrack Winner

Hear ye! Hear ye! As promised, the winner of the Grace Unplugged soundtrack will be announced today, October 3, 2013. Thank you to all who entered the drawing by leaving a comment on the Grace Unplugged Movie Review post. The winner was selected from the entrants by random drawing.

(Drawing details will be supplied upon request, but it should satisfy the inquisitive to know that I wrote the name of each entrant on a slip of paper, folded each slip in half twice, mixed the folded slips, then pulled one from the pile while averting my gaze. Despite what anyone tells you, this is how random drawings are done.)

And the winner is . . . drum rollllllll . . . SHERRY SCHERMBECK! When I messaged her in regard to her good fortune she replied, "Wow! I never win anything! Thank you so much. How kind. Have a wonderful day, Lucy." Other than saying what they all say - I never win anything - she was speechless (mostly because she won a prize and not an award, thus she was not required to give an acceptance speech).

Grace Unplugged opens in theaters tomorrow night, October 4. It's a movie for the whole family. For a complete summary and review I refer you again to my post. Grace Unplugged Movie Review.

***October is the month of suspense, surprises and thrills. Give your preschool to elementary age child the gift of literature that gives them all of that. It will stimulate their imaginations without rotting their teeth. Use Coupon Code 4ZVQDJ79 to receive a 15% discount on my new children's book, The Beast of Blue Mountain, at checkout. Order here.***

October First is Discount Day

 

It's October. Your ghosts and goblins are hungry for treats and can hardly wait until Halloween Night. In the meantime, give them a treat that won't rot their teeth. Get a 15% discount on my new children's book, The Beast of Blue Mountain, through the month of October. Order here. At checkout, enter coupon code 4ZVQDJ79 (case sensitive) for a 15% discount on your total order, excluding shipping & handling.

Crunch, crunch. Swish, swish. What was that noise in the night? Discover the answer in this tale of suspense and surprise.

Together Despite Our Differences

Sometimes I look at my husband and wonder what brought us together in the first place. We are so different. But we keep at the business of kindling the flames. Most of our strategies for romance are unorthodox, and he and I both agree that this approach is by necessity. We seldom gather enough minutes to complete a conversation or to qualify as for "alone time."

As of late we've been bonding in the stands at our sons' football games. He calls for the refs to throw flags, and I try to figure out which guy has the ball. Up until the other day, it was working well.

But then, out of the blue, at our youngest son's middle school game, my beloved yells, "Yeah! That was a Clowney tackle!" In his excitement he turns to me and offers a palm for a presumed high-five, which I give for the sake of unity. And he asks me, "Did you see that? Did you see him blow up number 14?"

I saw a lot of things. I saw white jerseys and black jerseys. I saw some boys fall down. I saw a couple of coaches about to bust blood vessels. I saw a bird land on the goal post. I saw a lady walk by wearing an enormous hat. I saw a plastic bottle roll down the stadium steps. I saw the large man three rows in front of me hike his pants up to cover his crack that I saw before that.

I smiled at my husband, who accepted the gesture as indicative of our mutual agreement on what just happened.

But the man could not let it go. He said, "That was awesome. That was just like Clowney. Remember how Clowney did the same thing in the game against Michigan last year? Only, he forced the fumble?"

I remember so many things. I remember that Clowney's first name is Jadeveon. I remember that he plays for the South Carolina Gamecocks. I remember that we don't follow University of South Carolina football and that we agreed to share mutual dislike of USC and Coach Steve Spurrier. I remember what I wore to watch the UGA (our team) v. USC game. I remember that my middle son wore jersey number 7 last season. I remember the middle school coach who stomped his play sheet on the sidelines last fall. I remember some basic calculus after all these years since college. I remember the exact time each one of my children was born and how much each one weighed. I remember several songs from camp when I was a kid.

With all of this churning between my ears, now filled with my husband's elation and his invitation for me to join him in the revelry, I smile. We stand right next to each other, a million miles apart with our elbows touching. He puts his arm around my shoulder and gives me a squeeze.

Us being so different, I wonder how all of this - marriage, kids, making the most of what the day gives us - came about. Fortunately, I don't think the strangeness of it ever crosses his mind. He accepts me as I am, blind, senile and sentimental.

Grace Unplugged Movie Review

Tuesday night I attended a screening of Grace Unplugged in my local market. The movie release date is Friday, October 4. Grace Hill Media contacted me and offered me two free passes, which I eagerly accepted. Representatives from Grace Hill Media have not tried to sway my reaction to or opinion of the movie and this review is my honest assessment. (Keep reading for a chance to win a Grace Unplugged soundtrack, too!)

Grace and her father, Johnny, in the praise band.

My synopsis: Grace Unplugged depicts a young woman reaching for her dream but struggling between bending to the will of God and bending to the will of man. She grew up learning music from  her father, a former down-and-out, one-hit-wonder rocker turned Christian music pastor. Together they perform in their Birmingham, Alabama church's praise band. But 18 year-old Grace, played by AJ Michalka (who reminds me of Carrie Underwood), wants to be under the bright lights of a big stage. Clashes with her tight-fisted father strengthen her resolve to break away. Without the consent of her parents, she leaves for Hollywood to chase her dream.

The official trailer:

Five Reasons to Go See Grace Unplugged:

1) It's a Hollywood movie that presents overt Christianity without apology.

2) There's no foul language and no nudity.

3) It's a family-friendly movie without talking animals!

4) The soundtrack is fantastic. (Details below on how to enter for a chance to win the soundtrack. Keep reading.)

5) The good guys come out on top. It's a movie that leaves the viewers feeling positive and optimistic.
Bonus Reason: Grace is a positive role model for tween and teen girls. On the heels of Hannah Montana twerking, this is a welcome change from the mainstream.

Tween and teen girls will identify with Grace Trey.

My non-essential commentary: There is one huge, glaring error in this movie. I can't believe no one caught it. You'll think I'm quibbling here, but I'm southern and this is important. There's no ice in the tea! In several scenes of the movie, the characters drink tea without ice in it. They're in Birmingham, Alabama. No one there drinks tea without ice! (Sakes alive, now I'm thinking there might not have been any sugar in it either. Someone's soul is surely in jeopardy.)

A portion of the Topline Overview of Grace Unplugged:

Grace Trey has just turned 18 and aspires to do more than sing in her church’s worship band, which is led by her father, Johnny Trey, a one-time pop star who gave up his life in secular music when he became a Christian. Grace longs to escape his shadow and make a name for herself singing songs about something other than God, but Johnny warns her that fame is not as glamorous as it looks and reminds her that serving and worshipping God with the talent she’s been given is a far more worthwhile goal.

My review: While tweens, teens and young adults, especially girls, will love this movie, discerning Christian adults will leave wishing that it was more. The father, played by James Denton of Desperate Housewives fame, is a stock, stereotyped character. Viewers never get a glimpse of his internal struggle. As all Christians know, believing is easy, but faith is hard.  

I wanted to experience him wrestling with faith in God and His plan for Grace. I wanted the father to support Grace in following her dream, rather than fighting her on it, while at the same time reminding her of the pitfalls of temptation in the secular world. It was an opportunity for him to be honest with her about his past and it how it affected him. 

The movie needs authentic parental angst. It needs to touch on the difficulties of supporting a child as she begins adulthood and at the same time worrying about her. While watching, I desperately wanted Grace to remind her father that the low point of his music career was what brought him to Jesus. Then I wanted him to advise her to go change the world, but to not let the world change her. 

Seasoned adult viewers who are mature in their faith will also note that the movie missed an opportunity to make a statement about Christianity and to inspire those of us who may have lost the fire for evangelism. Without giving too much away, I will tell you that the movie ends with Grace singing to the choir, so to speak, which sends the message, "Christians belong at home with other Christians." 

But Christians do not fear the sin of the world. Mother Theresa didn't hide in her convent ministering to people just like her. She went among the poor and the dirty and the faithless and showed them the face of Christ. We are here to be the hands, feet and voice of Jesus for those who need Him most, not to sing to the choir. (In a later post, after you've had an opportunity to go see Grace Unplugged yourself, I will share with you my proposed ending. Oh, I should have gone into screenwriting.)

Overall, I say go see this movie and take the whole family. This film does an excellent job of depicting Grace's struggle with temptation, something we and our children face daily, without being graphic. Grace is a character audiences can latch on to and understand and root for. Her internal battle between doing her own will, other people's will or God's will is a universal theme. 

Parents and kids will come away with talking points to discuss over post-movie pizza. Underage drinking, the theology of the body, choosing role models, resisting temptation, personal prayer, identifying and using gifts and talents are all great conversation starters. You're likely to think of others after seeing Grace Unplugged. Asking younger viewers how they think the characters addressed these issues and what the characters might have done differently can make for lively table-talk that teaches a lesson without a lecture.

*****

Instructions on how to  

Enter to Win 

a Grace Unplugged soundtrack. It's easy! Just leave a comment. Everyone who posts a comment will be entered into a random drawing. The winner will be announced on Thursday, October 3.

*****

Enjoy the trailer one more time then go see the movie on October 4:



***Reminder: Enter to win a FREE copy of The Beast of Blue Mountain. Contest information is here. Entries must be received by September 30th. Be sure to let me know you are an Internet entry.