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Friday, June 8, 2012

Typical Male

My 14 year-old son, I've determined, is normal. He's a typical male specimen, unafraid of consuming a container of peas and a dreamsicle in the same sitting, at the same time, in the same mouthful. He possesses courage beyond logic.

He prides himself on the array of sounds that spontaneously and forcefully emit from his body. B.O. doesn't bother him. And he's constantly complaining, "We don't have anything to eat," (probably because he already ate everything).

Last night when he lodged those words through a belch, I snapped. "We have food, you just don't look for it. Your problem is you don't know how to find food. You expect it to put itself on a plate and come find you."

A 14 year-old cannot be shut-up or shut down so easily, though. There's always a last word and it's always his. He said that oh yes he does know how to find food. These are the steps in his method, as described by him in his own last words:

1. Open the refrigerator.
2. Stand and stare until Mama yells to close the refrigerator.
3. Lower your standards.
4. Open the refrigerator.
5. Repeat process until Mama bonks or you find a shriveled piece of sausage in a zip-lock bag, or, preferably, both.
6. Put the sausage back and eat a bowl of cereal. Leave the milk on the table.
7. Go do something until you're hungry again.



17 comments:

Janna said...

So much to look forward to. I'm still in the toddler preschool years with my boys, but there are some remarkable similarities.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

It's not that different with teenage girls.

shelly said...

Yup, Girls aren't that much different.

Dana said...

Oh, my, I have a lot to look forward to! ;)

Lisa said...

My husband isn't far off from this...eek! ;)

Jo said...

No kids, no comment.

William Kendall said...

I'm so glad I've decided not to have kids!

Francene Stanley said...

Charming! And this young monster will turn into a MAN? Makes you wonder why kids have deteriorated into sloths. I bet they didn't behave that way 100 years ago. Tell him that.

Inger said...

Never had any kids, but somehow this reminds me of my dogs! Of course, they are only dreaming about opening the refrigerator.

mare ball said...

Ha! I remember those days. Sadly, sons don't completely outgrow some of that. My husband still often stands in front of the open 'fridge and thinks there's nothing to eat.

Michelle said...

Oh, yes! My son and his friends (my boys) started cooking their own food. My only rule is they have to wash all their dishes. It took only one time of me coming home from work to find a huge mess from their culinary experiments for that rule to be established.

Tara Tyler said...

i have the same child! but mine opens the freezer AND the fridge at the same time! puh-leeeze, boy!

Susanna said...

Funny post and adorable blog, like it! Happy summer! :)

xoxo
Susanna
http://susanna-behindmyeyes.blogspot.com

Sarah said...

My friend's teenage brother is almost exactly like this except he knows how to hunt and fish and can prepare his own catches (fish-wise). Cooking them, however, that's another story entirely. ;)

Catherine Stine said...

I have two boys so I get it! BTW, I posted about the Lovely Blog award and linked back to yours. Stop by!
Catherine Stine’s Idea City

Lexa Cain said...

Hi Lucy! I came here from Catherine Stine's blog because of the Lovely Blog Award. (She gave me one, too!)

Frighteningly, your son sounds exactly like my husband. Sometimes I think a gorilla escaped from the zoo and is living with me.

I enjoyed this post so much, I'm following you and putting you on my blog-roll so I can check back. :-)

Barbara said...

I'm sure it's a phase :) I went through this when I lived at home, now that I live with my partner I notice these things ie I still remember how I used to behave, and I'm aware of what happens now.

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