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Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Valentine's Day Duress

Okay guys. It's February 1st. Today is the day you start orchestrating the pre-Valentine's Day break-up. It must be complete by February 13th to avoid romantic let-down. Be gentle about it, though, because you're going to want to get back together until the day before her birthday.

For those of you who can stomach neither Valentine's Day nor a garish break-up to avoid the issue, some ideas to help you get it right this year:
1) Chocolates and diamonds never fail to please. Do note the emphasis on and.
2) A self-composed love poem from the heart, included in the box with the chocolates and diamonds, will melt her.
3) A live quartet harmonizing Love Me Tender or The Way You Look Tonight, while you present your precious with the package containing the self-composed poem stashed with the chocolates and diamonds, will really wow her.

If you're not all-in on the chocolates and diamonds, however, it'd be best for you to find a way to "take time off" or "see other people" or "slow things down" or "figure some things out" for Valentine's Day.

1 comment:

William Kendall said...

"It's not you, it's me."

"I'm entering the priesthood, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends. With benefits."

"I'm about to do six to eight years for that whole little scamming the governor thing I did awhile back. Didn't I tell you?"

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