Simile of the Day

So, my husband and I are sitting out on the deck of one of those cheap little Mexican restaurants, sharing a pitcher, bowls of bean dip and guac, and some some much needed uninterrupted conversation. Yet, even though it was much needed and, most importantly, uninterrupted, my ears started doing that thing they do when I'm out in public places: listening in on the conversations at other people's tables.

I can't help it. It's a genetic abnormality I inherited from my daddy, who finds himself leaned so far into other people's private dialogues in public places that he's practically sitting in their laps before their meal is over. While I like to think I'm more discreet than him, I do recognize that I have a problem.

As my husband's voice faded into the background noise of silverware clinking against plates and ice shifting in glasses and waiters and waitresses coming and going, my ears started to pick up the hum of couples and families and friends jabbering on about the normalcies of life and the drag of the daily grind. Eventually my ears, like satellite dishes, focused on two college age girls at a corner table discussing gastrointestinal reactions to various foods and beverages.

Naturally, over bean dip and green guacamole, this type of talk caught my attention. And then I heard the gem that keeps me tuning in while I'm dining out; the pay off simile, the simile of the day. The heavier girl of the pair shook her head back and forth and confided in the slimmer female, "I tell you what. I was so sick, I was pooping like a cow."

There is absolutely nothing that that simile leaves to the imagination, at least not for anyone who as ever seen cow poop or, for that matter, bean dip and guac.