Southern Girls Living Fearlessly - Match Day

Oh to be young and carefree and bolder than is warranted by good common sense.
My brother-in-law and his wife, expecting their first baby, are celebrating Match Day today. After four years of medical school, he now has a residency to conquer. And med school seniors have a very special process for finding out where they will spend the next 2 years of their lives - Match Day. In a formal ceremony, after professors and other speakers have ceased speaking all their obligatory words of inspiration, they begin handing out white envelopes filled to the seal with destiny.

Each student, when his or her name is called, walks across the stage to retrieve the envelope designated as his or hers. Then the students makes what must seem like an even longer walk back across the stage, clutching mystery in a sweaty palm.

The Envelope Please.
The crisp, clean, white envelope contains the name of the city and hospital of each M.D. candidate's residency. With a rip and a tear, which they all swear is no reflection of their surgical precision, the mystery place is revealed, and life turns on a dime and shoots off in a different direction. And they find themselves free to lay down the burdens of one place to seek and find the thrills of another.

I want an envelope.
Frankly, I'm jealous. I want an envelope. I want that freedom to just go where someone told me to go, without ever having to make the decision myself. I want to go on an adventure that makes left turns and zig-zags to places I wouldn't have chosen for myself. I want to experience that emotion of change.

But, I'm a southern lady, and I well know the difference between foolish and fearless. It is foolish to believe that life would be any different somewhere else than it is right here. When the sport of it wore off, I'd have the same problems in a different place.

The quality of my life depends more on what I do with it than where I live it. (Although, admittedly, if I drew an envelope that took me from my southern home, I would probably try to rig my next draw to bring me home.)

Making my own Match Day.
That doesn't make my desire for venturesome behavior any less intense. So I stuffed some envelopes of my own. I put in slips of paper that say things like, "Go get ice cream," "Take the kids to a movie," "Have your nails done," "Take your husband on a date," "Day trip to the beach," etc. When I need a little fearless fun, I plan to pull an envelope and do whatever it says.

TODAY'S ASSIGNMENT: In your Book of Lists, brainstorm a list of things you would like to do but rarely make time for or let yourself indulge in. Then write the ones you really like on slips of paper and seal them in envelopes. Keep your stack of stuffed envelopes in a safe place, and pull one whenever you feel like you're making too many right turns and you need a curve in your road. Commit yourself to going wherever the envelope sends you.

Southern Girls Living Fearlessly

. . . failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was.
--J.K Rowling, June 5, 2008, Commencement Address to Harvard Graduating Class

I must have been about 12 years-old when my grandmother, Mama T, visiting us from Memphis, sat me down and said in her aristocratic drawl, "Lucy, I think it's time I told you about our heritage." A few years later, when she met one of my high school boyfriends, she calculatedly whispered loud enough for him to hear, "Tell me, who are his people?" She didn't want me shooting the fish at the bottom of the barrel, for certain.

My heritage includes American heroes, Civil War officers, powerful family matriarchs, n'er-do-wells, outlaws (by trade and by name), and some sorry s.o.b.'s, alike. My people are genteel, aristocratic, alcoholic, crazy, and proper as they come. Our background initiated Mama T and her female descendants into exclusive women's organizations like Junior League, Daughters of the American Revolution, United Daughters of the Confederacy, Colonial Dames, the local garden club, and the choice bridge group. She took exquisite pride in who we are and where we come from.

Like most southern ladies - like my grandmother - I learned to define myself by my name, my husband's occupation and income, who my daddy is, my home, my family history, my "stuff." Belles cling to these things like a lifeline and display them like neon letters on theater marquees, lest anyone mistake us for someone or something we are not.

Who are we, though, when these things fall apart, stripped away from us? Divorce, financial ruin, family scandal, downsizing - these things DON'T jive with our personal definitions. As J.K. Rowling told the Harvard graduates, ". . . we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it." And as we all know, the southern world, for all its sweetness and charm, gladly welcomes the drama of a failed Dixie diva. Front porch frequenters thrive on it.

But in these circumstances, we are forced to make a decision to drown in our sorrows or discover who we really are. We must, therefore, define ourselves, following three essential rules:

1. Let go of the need to rely on breeding, history, or husband to tell the world just who you are. Those things are all fine and well, but they aren't the complete depth and breadth of us.
2. NEVAH, NEVAH let other people decide for you.
3. Be flexible. Change your definition as needed.

My own personal definition:

• Lucy, n. - A woman of great talent who is always happy, but never content.
  

Today's Assignment: Follow the three rules and define yourself. Write it on a sticky note and put it on your monitor. Record it in your Book of Lists.

Wild, Wild Horses

A dream I had the other night has plagued me ever since.

Somehow, I hemmed up a horse in a three sided enclosure. Brown and muscular, the horse anxiously pranced forward and backward. It pumped it's head up and down as if pulling on invisible reigns. It's smooth, sleek coat reflected light.

Seeing all of this, I knew I had to do something to keep this animal contained, so I slid a long board between the highest slats of two sides of the enclosure, fencing in the horse. Right as I secured the plank in place, to my great surprise the horse jumped over the right-hand side of the enclosure.

That's where the dream ended. But it didn't really end, because I've been continually questioning what the horse symbolizes, what I'm keeping in that needs to get out. Where is that horse going and why is it so anxious to get there?

Not Much to See, But A Lot to Talk About

Living in a small southern town, I can rest assured that when life gets so chaotic that I don't know what I'm doing, if I'm coming or going, all I have to do is ask a neighbor. Around here, the neighborly motto is we make your business our business. I just hope they haven't heard something I don't want to hear.

Just in Time for Valentine's Day

Some romantic fool thought it would be a good idea to send me a list of Man Rules right before Valentine's Day. To show him how much I care about his feelings, I listened and responded.

The Man Rules
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. (FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)
Or instruction manual readers or map readers or fashion magazine readers. That's why we have to tell you what to do and where to go and what to wear for the occasion. AND we're saying it all OUT LOUD, so when you feel like you're straining to read our minds, that's really you choosing not to listen.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
We also don't hear you falling into the toilet in the middle of the night.

1. Sunday sports, it's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Ditto on PMS, another pair of shoes, a night out with the girls.

1. Crying is blackmail.
No, it's revenge.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We have told you, OUT LOUD, during every diamond commercial that we want diamonds, but you're never listening because you're straining to read our minds. Then you act bent out of shape when we're disappointed that you gave us another something that isn't forever.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Then why do you pout when we say, "No?"

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
You have no idea how much our girlfriends sympathize with us.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
Usually, whatever you said 6 months ago, you also said yesterday, just in different words. Therefore, whatever you say or said will always be in the 7 day window. Thus, all evidence is admissible and you will be found guilty as charged. Case closed.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
If you think we gave your ragged out, sweat stained St. Louis Cardinals hat to charity, we probably did. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad, we meant the other way.
You meant the interpretation that makes us want to go Loraina Bobbitt on you? Wow. Thanks for the insight. We never would have guessed.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.
We're going to keep asking and telling, because there is nothing more satisfying than saying to our girlfriends, "Can you believe he really didn't know how to . . . ?"

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Why? Is that when you're at peak mind reading capability?

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
Christopher Columbus could, however, read the stars. You can't even read minds. You do need directions.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
Quit stressing. We're not going to test you on it.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
It's the itching, not the scratching, that concerns us.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
Don't ask what's wrong if you already know it's nothing, unless you're trying to turn it into something.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
If you give an answer and don't like our reaction, then expect us to say, "No," to your question.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
When you tell us that, we know our relationship with you has gone on too long.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.
When we can't take time to listen to you talk about football or hockey, you know your relationship with us has gone on too long.

1. You have enough clothes.
Can you quantify "enough?"

1. You have too many shoes.
You never say that when you're asking us to wear them to bed.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Congratulations, you know a shape. Unfortunately, you're more like an amoeba, which is shapeless.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Then enjoy your vacation. And while you're there, don't forget to get me something nice for Valentine's Day; maybe something that is forever. That is not a hint. I am telling you I want diamonds. While my girlfriends sympathize with me, only you can solve my problem: I don't have enough diamonds. I will remind you of this during the next diamond commercial, when you have just returned to the sofa from using the restroom where you did not fall into the toilet.

Shall I go on, or do you think you've got it, now?

Next time you think I'm trying to get you to read my mind, don't hesitate to let me know.

The Language of Chocolate

Valentine's Day is next weekend and Dove chocolate has upped its ad saturation to push its new innovation on the candy bar: Three individually wrapped portions, "For now. For later. For much later."

Are they crazy? Who came up with this campaign? Obviously a man who doesn't understand the psychology behind chocolate.

Sure, we like to think we might save a little bit for later. And sometimes we even manage to do it, but never an entire third of the chocolate bar. Whatever we do re-wrap, planning to enjoy it at our next craving, nags at us. We know we've tucked it in our purse, or desk drawer, or behind the flour container in the pantry. We hear its sweet little voice calling out to us. We are powerless to resist.

The commercial should say: "For now. For in a minute. For a couple of minutes from then."

We get all the illusion of delay of gratification without any of the guilt associated with instant satisfaction.

That really speaks to my heart.

Living Fearlessly in a Bad Economy

Things are bad, and according to Obama, they're going to get worse before they get better. Woe is us. Cash flow is low; job instability is high. Uncertainty prevails.

My husband and I have micro-analyzed our family budget, looking for even the smallest expenditures we can cut. At dinner the other night, we announced to our kids that we are having our cable turned off. They moaned. They griped. They groaned.

"Why?" they whined.

"Well y'all," I explained, "we've just got a bad economy right now."

"If you've got a bag of money," said the youngest, exasperatedly, "can't you use that to buy our TV shows?"

She understands what's happening about as well as the rest of us. And there truly is no use sitting around listening to pundits explain it or trying to decipher it ourselves. It is what it is, and somewhere in it is a fresh opportunity, a door waiting to be opened.

In the meantime, here's how I'm keeping up the fearless life in the face of darkening adversity:

1) I've decided to value making memories over purchasing products, substance over stuff, experiences over expenses. Instead of spending money, I'm spending time. A happy memory lasts a lot longer than the thrill over a new pair of shoes.

2) There is no guarantee that my job will last past May. My contract may or may not be renewed. No matter. I will continue to perform my duties to the very best of my ability. If the economy causes my position to be eliminated, I will walk away with my head high, knowing I couldn't have worked any harder.

3) I'm being honest with myself about the things over which I have control and the things I don't. In the past, God has used the chaos or confusion of a difficult situation to build me into a better person. I have faith that those things I can't control are in His hands. He will take care of me.

And maybe, somehow, some way, on the other side of all this, the bad economy really will turn into a bag of money.