Listen to a Story

This is my 400th blog post! I'm celebrating by sharing my new children's story with you. For a limited time, preview the audio version of The Beast of Blue Mountain:

***The free audio version has expired. An mp3 download may be purchased here for 99-cents.***
 

Purchase the paperback picture book to read along with audio:

 Purchase the mp3 download here.

Keeping Our Priorities Straight in the Bible Belt

Down with the devil in the Bible Belt. We love Satin in the south! 

The star next to the word means we think it's very important.

Reported by Fox 5 News Atlanta.

New Children's Book: The Beast of Blue Mountain

Crunch, crunch. Swish, swish. What is that?

I'm excited to announce the September 12 release of my new children's book,  

The Beast of Blue Mountain. 

Color illustrations accompany this tale of suspense and surprise dedicated to anyone who has ever heard a noise in the night and whispered, "What is that?"

Order a soft-cover copy for every kid you know by clicking here. Or at Amazon.

Order a signed copy through PayPal. Click on the link and fill out the simple form. You will make a payment of $12.45 ($9.95 for the book and $2.50 s&h) to lucybgoosey@aol.com. Be sure to write in the name of the child receiving the book so I can personalize it.

Save money. Order a pdf download from Etsy for only $2.99. Or order a Kindle version for the same price.

Thank you. I'd love to hear your feedback. If you are a blogger who reviews children's books, email me, lucybgoosey@aol.com.

Dude! You Should Totally Hire Me

My husband works for a leading on-line job board and candidate recruitment service. Routinely, he reads job copy, resumes and cover letters that range from stellar to pitiful to I-can't-believe-you-put-that-in-writing-to-a-potential-employer. Today, he forwarded me a brief cover letter from the latter category.

It isn't the awkward opening sentence paired with later touting of his excellent communication skills that raises eyebrows. I think employers may overlook that inconsistency. He proves himself a winner in the rat race by what he claims he's doing on the side:

I'm currently a business student at Kent State University that is ready to begin my business career. I'm highly motivated and driven to succeed and will not let anything stop me from doing just that. I already have a good bit of knowledge about led lights because I'm currently studying Medical Marijuana on the side. I'm great with people and know how to make people believe in what I'm telling them. I have great communication skills and connect with people of all ages on a personal level.

Wisconsin Called

Friday, I posted about my on-line run-in with a woman from Wisconsin. Her mama failed to teach her not to say anything if she could think of nothing nice to say about Tuck Your Skirt in Your Panties and Run. I speculated that perhaps she wrote such poor comments and put them on the Internet for the whole world to see because she is the victim of an unfortunate personality. Of course, I made sure to add that I would pray for her. Taking the high road is important in matters like this.

In fairness to her, I noted that there may be other explanations for her inability to laugh on cue. Communism was suggested. That's only a natural assumption.

And I do recall mentioning that her problem may be that Wisconsin as a state lacks humor. Everyone knows that. I meant it as a simple statement of fact, not as derision. 

The communists haven't called, but Wisconsin did.

But Am I Still Pretty?

Yesterday, I was looking over my books on Amazon. I was doing obsessive things like examining sales charts, reading reviews and analyzing data by geographic region. ThenI came across this humbling review

"Unfortunately, the title was the funniest thing in the whole book. This is a collection on barely amusing, tedious, little stories."

for

I cascaded through several stages of emotion. First, I succumbed to shock. How could someone say such a thing, even if she is from Wisconsin, a state notorious for its lack of humor?

Next, I experienced anger. The thought, How could someone say such a thing, took on a different tone. To be so rude and insensitive to another person is plain wrong. Didn't her mama ever tell her that if she couldn't say anything nice, not to say anything at all? The nerve!

Alas, I was stricken with sadness and grief. I'd let a reader down. I wracked my brain in an effort to determine where I'd gone wrong.Was it my calculation of my wedding anniversary in dog years that left her flat? Did she find my admission that a little girl down the street spotted a dead roach in my house offensive? Or was the fact that I've dubbed the child Little Miss Bad Cholesterol due to her monogram, LDL, the turn off? I revealed, in print no less, that I strolled down a long hallway past my peers with my skirt shoved deep in my underwear. Could she not even giggle at that?

I did dedicate two entire pages to the communist pig roast that my brothers hosted in Mississippi. Maybe she's a communist. Maybe she has something against my brothers.

Maybe she's one of those people who doesn't know how to laugh at life's inevitable comedy of errors. Thus, her negativity has nothing to do with me or Tuck Your Skirt in Your Panties and Run and everything to do with her unfortunate personality, as we call the condition here in the South. In that case, I'm obliged to pray for her.

My feelings are hurt, but after working through my emotions, I'm perking up.

Nonetheless, that hasn't stopped me from desperately calling out, like the 40-year-old bridesmaid wearing cornflower blue, "But I'm still pretty, right?"

Can You See Me Now?

 

I caught a gallon of skim milk hiding in IGA's beer cooler last Friday night. What a wanna-be! 

Or maybe someone had a moment of weakness. He waffled between milk for the baby or beer for big daddy. Beer won and milk was abandoned. In these tough economic times, priorities must be set, sacrifices have to be made.

How would you caption this picture? 

What creative explanation would you give for why this milk is feeling so out of place?